Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
