I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
