What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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