I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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