You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
