id be glad to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
