i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
