She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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