Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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