I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
