the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
