I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
