It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
