3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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