508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
