he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
