I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
