I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
