I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
