there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
