I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
