I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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