i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
