You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i need an iv and a liver transplant
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
