I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
