Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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