P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
