I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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