do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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