eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
