when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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