miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
