Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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