she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
