I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
