Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
