i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
fuck your aforementioned shoe
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
