How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize