walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
