I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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