bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
