some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
