guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
