Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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