Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
