2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
