You made me cry and you don't even care
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
