you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
