so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
