just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
