If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize