when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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