We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
