he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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