No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
