HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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