My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
