She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
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