Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
