Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
