i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
