True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
