Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
