it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
