I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
