Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
