My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
