She said her name was "party"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
