my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need water and some morals
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
