I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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