My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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