Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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