Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
