woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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