Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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