Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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