you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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