Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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