College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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