This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
